Never Again

While growing up I have always been on the heavy side. What can I say I love to eat. I have always struggled with my weight. I wanted to be skinny, but never succeeded. I start some diet then like a week later I quit. In high school I started hula dancing with a group and we performed at parties every weekend. I lost a lot of weight and looked pretty decent I would say. Then I met a guy that later became my husband. I started gaining weight again after getting married. I was a size 16 a good chunk of my marriage. Then we got pregnant and I put on a lot more weight. After giving birth I was a size 20 and weighed about 270lbs. Wow! that is the heaviest I have ever been. I wasn't happy with my marraige soon after giving birth and questioned if I wanted to stay in this marraige. Then one day my husband says he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Part of his reason was beacause of my weight. Even though there were a lot more other problems in our relationship. I couldn't stop thinking about his reason was my weight. MY WEIGHT!! I was so hurt, because yes at that time I still loved the guy. I hated his reason and then soon after he found another girl. A SKINNY GIRL!!! I thought to myself that I need to lose weight. How dare he flaunt his skinny little girlfriend around. Everyday I would put what he said in my mind and workout extra hard everyday. I did the Biggest Loser workout with Bob Harper and Jillian Michaels everyday. I still ate what I loved, but a lot less of it. I felt the pounds melt away and I had more energy. Even though I thought about leaving him before I wanted him to be sorry that he ever left me. I thought never again will someone leave me because of my weight. NEVER AGAIN! I lost about 78lbs and I am a size 14. I later came to a realization that I don't need him to feel sorry he ever left. I don't need to be skinny, because of his reason for leaving. I really needed to be healthy for me. I need to be healthy for many other obsticals in my life. Never again will I allow myself to change for someone else. I will only make the decision to change for myself.


 

Bella

When you were just growing inside me

I was oblivious to what my life would be

I knew I already loved you unconditionally

Then you came into this world you blew me away

Like a hurricane that decided to stay

I had no idea what it took to raise a kid these days

But when you smile and laugh you brighten my day

Like a sunny morning and warm sun rays

A time came when I had to raise you on my own

There were times I felt lost and all alone

So sad to think that you are now one of those kids that have a broken home

I am determined to not make that statistic defined you

Teaching you in life there are no limits to what you wanna do

Also to love more and hate less to

I wanna say that you are the one that kept me alive

It was because of you I had to survive

Keeping you loved and happy is what I strive

I love you Bella